Confessions and Secret Desires

Every one on screen – TV, Silver or YouTube has posed this question to me. “What would your last words be?” Mine would definitely be “I want to eat the biggest slice of cake that’s available”.


Near and dear like husband and sister know of this addiction and wouldn’t mind the fact it wasn’t “I love you”.

I love Cake I really do. Even as an adult I am repeatedly  disappointed when friends invite me for birthday hilarity and there is no cake.

Champagne yes but no cake.

I feel cheated and extremely disappointed. It has taken me a while to drag my mind out of that association to a new association:

Adult + Birthday = Champagne.

I could always haunt children’s birthday parties because ofcourse….

But for some reason Children+ Birthday = Horrible Cake choices.

They look great but taste awful. Sponge and Butter Cream.

I have graduated from those simple cakes to the kind that SIFT and fancy people like. Cream Cheese, Wasabi, Chocolate Liquer, Guiness Whiskey, Ginger, Lemon Tea. The kind that fancy adults should ideally order for their birthday celebrations that they invite me to !

But don’t pretend cupcakes are cakes. I fell for the cupcake crazy and had them as a wedding cake. And then 10 mins later grew out of it.

Cupackes are a cop out. They are decorating experiments rather than real cakes. Nine times out of ten are just rubbish. Look amazing. fancy frosting. But the bottom half just your ordinary, often heavy, sponge cake.

Lick the frosting, chuck the rest.

I would rather eat a Muffin. As a cake base a muffin has way more personality than your namby pamby sponge cupcake base.

I love cake so much my secret desire is to eat every cake in every cake shop.

This is where Secret Desire turns into a Confession. Its a well known fact that stolen foods contain no calories. The guilt (or the prison sentence) burns it off.

Maxim's Cake Shop
Maxim’s Cake Shop

So my secret desire is to eat every cake in every cake shop, at gun point. Basically not pay. Stage an armed robbery and eat everything. Not like I am cheap. If I start to pay for a 145 cakes to eat then reason sets in. So I wont do it.

But staging an armed robbery is spur of the moment and then you can consume the stolen goods on adrenalin and not think about the consequences.

This desire for Calorie Free (stolen) greed also extends to Delivery Vans. I have this 2 sec flash in my head every time I see a delivery van drive by. Oliver’s Delicatessen, Maxims Cakes, Arome Bakery. I want to hijack the van, tie down the driver and eat the cakes and pastries.

Or when I see a delivery man in the MTR carrying those trays and trays of Maxims cakes. ‘Mug him’ is the first thought that enters my head.

I know you question my contradictory statement here. “I thought you like fancy cake then why Maxims?”

One is desire that stems from the taste of things and the other is confessing to a fetish.


  1. Let me introduce you to the world of healthy guilt free cakes to do away with your maxims passion (yuk). Oh did I mention that my world will also be sugar free:).

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